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Life of AnorexiaI starve myself,
for the desire to be thinner.
I have lost so much weight,
but my mind tells me a different story.
I have the desire for perfection,
in hopes someone will love me.
I am not perfect,
nor am I beautiful.
I lose more weight,
for the desire of perfectionist.
But my mind tells me to keep going,
I become thinner then normal.
Food makes me sick,
I feel unworthy, hopeless, a failure.
Maybe if I lose more weight,
I will feel beautiful, secure, and hopeful.
This is the thoughts I crave,
the memories i receive.
The desire for perfection,
is what my mind tells me everyday.
My SaviorBefore I met you,
I was alone in this darkness.
Of feeling so helpless,
nobody to love.
You came to my rescue,
the savior that saved my life.
You have always been there for me,
when I have the need to give this life up.
You have saved me from the worse,
shown me how to grow stronger.
You have always been there,
from the moment we first met.
I never knew I would be loved,
I was always alone.
But you came to my rescue.
You are the savior in my Life
I knew it was LoveThe first time we met,
I knew that it was love.
Even though you are far away,
there was a connection between You and I.
For the first time in awhile,
I knew this was more then lust.
You showed me the love I needed,
and taught me how to trust someone.
You never broken my heart,
you were always sincere to me.
For the first time in a long while,
I knew there was happiness for once.
You are the love of my life,
I knew my dream finally came true.
The moment you became mine,
was the best day of my Life
Major DepressionNo one can love me in life,
when I can not feel what is there.
No one can be a friend to me,
as I can't find a way to be happy with myself.
Life has never been a friend of mine,
I fight this battle of depression.
But only gotten further in the hole.
Why can I ever win for once?
I suffer with agony,
anxiety attacks and flashbacks.
Why can't i ever win this fight,
its tearing me apart.
I can't be loved, when I dont love myself.
I dont have a friend, I am lost alone in darkness.
One day life will take me away,
and that is when I finally smile.
Flying free into the sky,
where freedom has led me elsewhere.
I can't battle this depression any longer,
maybe soon I will finally leave for good..
FlashbacksI see visions of your touch,
the way you hurt me physically.
I see the touch of hate,
how you ruined my life.
The emotional pain I feel,
the day I have been hurt.
By the one I actually loved,
who has hated me all along.
These flashbacks keep coming,
of that day you took advantage of me.
The touch of your hands,
against my sensitive body.
You made me full of hurt,
broken my heart in pieces.
I wish I never felt it,
the pain that makes me afraid.
These flashbacks never stop,
that day you left me with tears.
The moment you said you hated me,
and used me all the time.
I feel pain,
worthless, a failure.
You never cared at all,
but treated me like garbage.
First time we MetThe First time we met,
I could see it in your eyes.
The love you have for me,
like a dream come true.
I saw the amazing smiles,
and a lovestruck stare.
When we first met,
I knew that this was truly Love.
You mean the world to me,
as we grow stronger each day.
The love i have for you,
is eternal throughout this life.
You now have my heart,
the one that was broken and now repaired.
You are the one for me,
and I will love you each and ever single day
DiscreetWhat I miss most is not the sex
but the moments that slipped quietly by
like brushing our teeth together
in matching pajamas, you turning
to me and saying, pasty foam
running down your chin,
“You know what love is?
Love is being stupid together.”
Passions RevivedBroken, like a stained glass window, laying in colored pieces of a heart on the floor
Shattered, like a pane of glass, muddied as it lays on the earth below
Splintered, like the finest of crystal, slivers lying like sharp icicles on the snow
Tears, like tiny rivers, silver crystal streams that flow from the soul
Questions lay unanswered as words fall as whispers into my palm
Why is a word cursed, a three letter incantation cast forth as a wicked spawn
How is now a nowhere route, ending in a dirt road of barbed wire drawn
But is a period, an echo of nothingness that spills out into the shadows before dawn
A heart can break, a soul can shatter, a spirit can splinter - so is the destruction
And yet, there lingers a tiny flicker of a flame, piercing through it all with a candle’s obstruction
Bearing in its firey fingers supernatural flowers of tiny echoes that repeat ore as in a bell tower
Hang on to your passion, let it not be ever squandered, nor let it be stolen by evil powe
aphrodite had her brutal lovers.my books listen to my 3am whispers and absorb my tears.
their creases fold like mine and bookmark old affairs-
but leave me hanging like drapes on the broken bed posts.
every fire-ridden song comes with ghosts.
they make sweet love to my ears, treasure me;
but they tend to do their time and leave, sting like a bee.
a temporary fill-- like a one-night stand
but like many things, their aftereffects may come unplanned.
coffee was the bad boy; entoxicating like a drug.
snuck him in at midnight, he was one bad thug.
he kept me up all night and made me scream-
but for the record, he was a bitter teenage dream.
speaking of dreams, is sleep not pure bliss?
the darkness gives me the best goodnight kiss.
it wraps me up as if to keep me safe in it's heat-
only to /burn/ me at the fucking stake, my nightmares uncomplete.
whisper, sweet prince, i'm delirious.
but fuck, handsome, let's be serious.
i'm running out of words to describe my feelings--
bargaining with the devil, basking in his dealings.
Cher, Ex Amant[Dear, ex lover]
Cher, ex amant
I promise to get rid of the poems
you’ve written for me,
to forget the late night talks we’ve shared,
And marry a man that will care.
I’ll give my heart to him,
The way I was never able to give it to you,
and when I have a daughter,
I promise to look at the innocence in her eyes,
Hold on to her naivety.
When she falls in love
And gets her heart broken,
I’ll write strength down her spine,
fill it with independence
while whispering your name in my pillow.
If she asks me what I said,
I’ll tell her that I know how it feels
to love someone so much
that it feels as if your heart might burst.
I’ll tell her that she needs to be strong,
to ignore the acidic butterfly in her stomach,
that feels as if they want to rip out
and fly away.
Reflections of Loves Gone ByReflections of loves gone by shimmer through the night
Like fractured colors of a prism of all that once felt right
Chills surround my heart as I feel once again the pain
Of the words good bye stinging and cause my soul to strain
To hang on, hang on, hang on, and believe again
That my life is worth the finding of love true
Snow falling outside reminds me that all were unique in their way
Some were kind, some were gentle some cut as thunderstorm’s lightening sprays
Burning me in ways beyond any human conscious of any human hand
Flames erupt and magic fills my room, piercing the dark with a gift grand
All begins to be burned away in the kindness of your touch upon my skin
The knowledge of passion felt begins to bloom as spring once again
My soul burns with the soft rays of a warm sun, words whispered are a precious raining
What is to come who can say, what is to be is beyond any understanding
But I rise to find a new day, and in your trust I find a new way
A path strewn now not wit
white/shadowwhite/shadow 3/7/14 ©
there is such eloquence suffused into your skin
the tips of my fingers trail skeins of poetry as they glide
over the succulent and luscious curves of your body.
you are a kind of redemption to me
you exist in a place beyond even the most
of my intricate and esoteric words
and words are one of my mightiest magicks
something I was both born to and spent years honing
you are ineffable…
though I certainly try.
how can I speak
either of the radiance of your reluctant smile
or of the incandescent and fierce joy
that dawns across my face when I so much as think of you?
the algorithm of fractals
written into the deepest fabrics of life
perhaps can come close to the definition
of the ways in which you and I are interwoven,
the strains of the most glorious symphony
can perhaps but begin to evoke the ecstatic state
we share as our skin brushes against one another.
you are an exponential, logarithmic catalyst
to the actions I already take
upon my o
Lost Within YouI found you, distraught and a disaster, wild red hair
baggy t-shirts and jeans covered in paint I knew I loved you
from the minute our eyes met at that concert, our souls resonated
together in unison that night, I did everything I could in my power to help
put you back together, and to lead you to the light, it consumed my
soul like wildfire, the potential that I saw a small seed within
you, I wanted to see it blossom and flourish to spring to life,
the amazing woman that I saw within you hidden beneath
layers of sorrow and sadness it was exhausting and
frustrating so many times over but I loved you
unlike any other, so I pushed through and I
never let go, no matter how crazy our
love got, it was our crazy love, I
never dreamed that in the end
we would walk separate
ways after five long
years, never did I
dream I could
In the end you found your way, your potential
blossomed into the fullness that I always knew was
possible, and in the end it was your steps and your h
Another fallen Pin up girl.Sometimes I think of you together.
Jealousy settles in it's course
Then I remember...
Me and her we're a like..
That round style face
The Dark hair..
The quirky interests..
The fact that she is now
What I used to be ..
And what was I ?
A pin up girl for your wall
Bent around the edges
With only time to wear me down..
The Taste of PoetryYou taste like poetry.
Lips like Frost's road less traveled.
Eyes like Longfellow's days of sunshine.
You smell like autumn and summer;
the scent of changing leaves in your hair,
the sweetness of blue skies in your face.
You sound like a storm.
Voice soft as rain against the windows,
words rolling like thunder through dreams.
You remind me of red.
Your moods are cerise blooming flowers.
Your warmth glowing like coals.
Nothing more then what I wantWhen I first met you
My heart raced
a million times faster
then you will ever know
The words I always say
the things I always do
None of it can show you
how I truly feel about you
The miles apart we are
the long talks all the time
Everything that has ever happened
this is all just a new beginning for me
A life full of happiness
a Life full of Hope
In this world we all live in
To me this is all Fate
Nothing can express
Nothing can show
How I truly feel about you
to this day of our life
Cause my love it is true
You mean the whole world to me
and there is nothing I want
more then to live the rest of my life with you
Keep in Touch!
Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More